Dating With Children
A little different than “married with children,” but still just as complicated! One of my Mama’s from The Single Mothers Revenge IG Village asked me to discuss getting back out there with dating. Of course I’m up for sharing my experiences but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t cover the preliminary stuff that can’t go without being discussed. I’m not here to tell you what kind of guy you should date or even how long in betweeen a breakup you should wait. I’m here to make sure you get the best out of any dating experience you have wether you’re looking for mister right or mister right now.
So, why exactly do you want to date? What purpose will dating serve for you at this moment? Understanding “why” you desire to date will help you be honest with your intentions when meeting new potentials. You know there’s that single mom stigma that hangs over our heads like the Arby’s sign where some men assume we just want someone to help us with these damn kids when in all honesty we may just want someone to spend time with. The one thing I despise when meeting someone new is not being given the option to choose. When one party or the other neglects to disclose their intentions and the other is left to assume, it leaves the assuming party at a disadvantage. I’m sure I’m not the only one who found out that they were the only one in a relationship while the other person was out playing the field. Don’t be that person, when appropriate, be clear with your intentions to make sure you both are on the same page.
Have you taken time to yourself? Serial dating is as real as serial killing. One partner after another with no breaks in between can make for a disastrous situation! You need time to heal, regroup, do some spiritual work so you won’t attract the same type of guy again. If you find yourself rushing into a new relationship immediately after another its most definitely a sign that you are looking to externally fill a void that can only be resolved internally. Can you identify patterns with all of your previous relationships? Are you attracted to a certain “type” that you know aren’t good for you? Don’t worry, something about assholes completely does something for me. I’m working on that (LOL) But seriously, in all relationships you have with anyone, you will always be the common denominator so delete the dating app and call a therapist to make sure you are unpacking those bags. Remember Baduh told us to pack light.
I know as grown women we may get that little itch, you know the one I’m talking about….. The one that makes us attracted to any man in grey sweat pants. Don’t let the sweat pants take you out sis! I’ve always lived by the code that revisiting a past partner was better than adding to my body count but today I understand that something small and battery operated maybe better than digging up a ghost from the past or creating new bones to bury.
Whatever you choose to do, move with wisdom and your whole self in mind. Don’t take yourself back to a place that almost killed you getting out of. Old patterns, old partners, all of that!
If you feel as if getting back out there is worth a shot then by all means download a dating app and get to swiping. I decided to pick one of the popular ones and give it a try. My experience has been a little underwhelming but it has given me insight on my growth and a little refresher on what I want in a long term partner. Good luck girl! May the force be with you.